if you're calling about my heart it's still yours...

things i would like to do in my lifetime

For the past few days I've been thinking a lot lately about things I would like to do before I die. So, I decided it would be fun to just write it all down. here goes:

- learn how to play guitar
- graduate from college with a nursing degree
- work in a children's hospital as a nurse
- fall in love, and get married have kids and live happily ever after (who doesn't want that though right?!)
- run in a marathon
- travel to: Ireland, Paris/France, England, Scotland, Russia, Greece and Italy.
- learn russian
- read as many books as possible
- finish Lainey's baby blanket before she goes into college. (at the rate i'm going, this one will not be fulfilled haaha)
- relearn how to knit
- kiss keith urban (oh wait..CHECK! =P)
- do yoga, and to actually be good at it.
- go snowboarding
- get more tattoos, but ones that are meaningful and not just to say i have tattoos.

of course, the minute i decide to write them all down, i can only think of a few. trust me, there's so much more on it. Oh well, that's usually the case right? anywho, they're all things that are do-able

Anywho, what is new with me? Let's see, besides the previous post, nothing much really. I am just getting everything slowly together for school. I don't move in til the 5th, but I'm so ready to be moved in now. I am slightly excited for school to start, just because it keeps me busy and I really don't mind classes. It's just the school in general that i do not like, most people in my classes. Lucky for me, I've been able to make a few friends who are similar to me wanting to go into nursing. They help keep me sane at the all girls school that i am stuck at. this year i'll be able to apply to the nursing program, and hopefully next fall i will be starting it. i am SO excited and anxious and nervous all at the same time. I know it's a lot of hard work, but i can't see myself anywhere else but doing that.

Things happen for a reason, and I know that my dad up there looking down smiling at me, knowing i'm on the path of being happy. :)

you're on my heart just like a tattoo

I just don't know what to do these days. The feelings I thought were gone for him are constantly rushing back to me the more we talk. I miss him, so much. We're talking again. After everything he did to me my head is telling me to be careful and to do what i can to protect myself. but then there's my heart which is telling me the complete opposite. maybe he's changed. maybe he's not the asshole he was in september. maybe he really wants me back. maybe not. we haven't had the conversation yet. he's in afghanistan and i feel like it's something that i need to wait to talk about until he's home for good and we can talk more often instead of letters or the off chance he's online when i am on. I need to be careful, I know i do. i didn't get any closure with the break up. it was pretty much me changing the relationship status on facebook since he just decided to ignore me and stop talking to me. for absolutely no reason. he was home in sept and things were fine and then he left and decided after 3 years it was ok to just not give me any reason why.
so i know i need to be careful. but he's the one and only guy i've ever loved and i can't picture my life without him in it. it's sad, but it's the truth. i can't help it. any date i go on or guy i meet, i end up feeling sad afterwards because it's not him and it just makes me miss him even more.

i hate how a guy can have so much control over my emotions. I never thought i'd be in this position. i thought after everything he did to me it would be easy to be mad and never want anything to do with him again.
but as i sit here and write this i feel like i'm in a tsunami, it's hardcore raining and crazy winds. this came out of nowhere. and once again i'm finding myself thinking about all the amazing conversations we had when we were dating. and one of our songs was Like The Rain.
you know "like the rain i have fallen for you.." is it ironic that its pouring out right now? i don't know.

the only thing i know, is i can't change my feelings. as much as i know pretty much everyone i know wants me to. I just can't. i love him. and clearly nothing he can do can change that. he can be the biggest asshole douchebag on the planet,and still...my heart would love him.

welcome to my life.