wow, it's been a while

This is the first time i've been able to blog since school started, and let me say i've missed it. I have been so busy and so stressed with school that my immune system has been shot and i've exhausted myself to the point where I've been sick the past couple of days. I must say after being able to sleep this weekend I've been feeling much better.
I have a job in the library on campus and I love it! but it seems to be taking all the time i don't have in school or spent study for exams, so I haven't had much free time this year.
I've been really stressed lately because of this nursing program. I can get the application next month and I'm really excited and nervous all at the same time. Being a transfer student I'm definitely not guaranteed a position in it. The number of transfers they accept each year varies depending on how many people apply to the program. So, someone who started off at the school applying to the program with a GPA of 2.7 would be accepted over me, who has a GPA of 3.5 as of now. It's very frustrating that my advisor can't even tell me how good of a chance I have of getting in because she doesn't know how many people can be accepted that are transfers, all she says is I'm the perfect candidate for it and all i can do is apply and just see. If i don't get in, I don't have a plan B. i don't know if i can afford to waste yet another year at this school spending all this money just so i can have another shot of applying to the program next year. I just want to know the outcome, and I have to wait til spring for that. I guess all i can do until then is pray, and know that whatever happens happens for a reason.

well, that's what's been on my mind pretty much since school started. it's late, i'm exhausted and i get an extra hour of sleep tonight so i plan on taking advantage of that. good night :)

i'm here. i'm alive!

holy cow it's been a while since i've blogged.
i don't have time to write a long entry explaining myself, but i will probably tomorrow.
you see, i move into st kates tomorrow.
so i have been busy packing up my life.

i miss writing on here though, so i will come back soon with some updates. i promise :)

if you're calling about my heart it's still yours...

things i would like to do in my lifetime

For the past few days I've been thinking a lot lately about things I would like to do before I die. So, I decided it would be fun to just write it all down. here goes:

- learn how to play guitar
- graduate from college with a nursing degree
- work in a children's hospital as a nurse
- fall in love, and get married have kids and live happily ever after (who doesn't want that though right?!)
- run in a marathon
- travel to: Ireland, Paris/France, England, Scotland, Russia, Greece and Italy.
- learn russian
- read as many books as possible
- finish Lainey's baby blanket before she goes into college. (at the rate i'm going, this one will not be fulfilled haaha)
- relearn how to knit
- kiss keith urban (oh wait..CHECK! =P)
- do yoga, and to actually be good at it.
- go snowboarding
- get more tattoos, but ones that are meaningful and not just to say i have tattoos.

of course, the minute i decide to write them all down, i can only think of a few. trust me, there's so much more on it. Oh well, that's usually the case right? anywho, they're all things that are do-able

Anywho, what is new with me? Let's see, besides the previous post, nothing much really. I am just getting everything slowly together for school. I don't move in til the 5th, but I'm so ready to be moved in now. I am slightly excited for school to start, just because it keeps me busy and I really don't mind classes. It's just the school in general that i do not like, most people in my classes. Lucky for me, I've been able to make a few friends who are similar to me wanting to go into nursing. They help keep me sane at the all girls school that i am stuck at. this year i'll be able to apply to the nursing program, and hopefully next fall i will be starting it. i am SO excited and anxious and nervous all at the same time. I know it's a lot of hard work, but i can't see myself anywhere else but doing that.

Things happen for a reason, and I know that my dad up there looking down smiling at me, knowing i'm on the path of being happy. :)

you're on my heart just like a tattoo

I just don't know what to do these days. The feelings I thought were gone for him are constantly rushing back to me the more we talk. I miss him, so much. We're talking again. After everything he did to me my head is telling me to be careful and to do what i can to protect myself. but then there's my heart which is telling me the complete opposite. maybe he's changed. maybe he's not the asshole he was in september. maybe he really wants me back. maybe not. we haven't had the conversation yet. he's in afghanistan and i feel like it's something that i need to wait to talk about until he's home for good and we can talk more often instead of letters or the off chance he's online when i am on. I need to be careful, I know i do. i didn't get any closure with the break up. it was pretty much me changing the relationship status on facebook since he just decided to ignore me and stop talking to me. for absolutely no reason. he was home in sept and things were fine and then he left and decided after 3 years it was ok to just not give me any reason why.
so i know i need to be careful. but he's the one and only guy i've ever loved and i can't picture my life without him in it. it's sad, but it's the truth. i can't help it. any date i go on or guy i meet, i end up feeling sad afterwards because it's not him and it just makes me miss him even more.

i hate how a guy can have so much control over my emotions. I never thought i'd be in this position. i thought after everything he did to me it would be easy to be mad and never want anything to do with him again.
but as i sit here and write this i feel like i'm in a tsunami, it's hardcore raining and crazy winds. this came out of nowhere. and once again i'm finding myself thinking about all the amazing conversations we had when we were dating. and one of our songs was Like The Rain.
you know "like the rain i have fallen for you.." is it ironic that its pouring out right now? i don't know.

the only thing i know, is i can't change my feelings. as much as i know pretty much everyone i know wants me to. I just can't. i love him. and clearly nothing he can do can change that. he can be the biggest asshole douchebag on the planet,and still...my heart would love him.

welcome to my life.

next summer you will find me...

IN IRELAND! hopefully. I've started looking at programs from St. Kate's website and figuring out expenses. Once school starts up I'm going to start going to meetings and figuring out what I really need to do in order to go. I want to sooooooooooooooooooo freaking bad though!
Who knows, maybe I'll meet a hot irish man and end up living over in Ireland for the rest of my life. I'd be ok with that :) (coming back to visit the family often though I suppose =P)
But seriously, I have always wanted to study abroad and I had thought it would be in Australia. But lately my heart is set on Ireland and I think it'll be more beneficial for me to go somewhere that isn't so close to the American culture like Australia is.
so, the program I'm looking at I'd be taking 2 classes, for a total of 6 credits. Each class would be 2 hours long, 4 days a week. so 4 hours a day of classes total. One is an Irish History/Politics class and the other is an Irish Literature class. Both of them sound extremely interesting to me. It lasts 6 weeks, and from what I've seen it would be somewhere around end of June until early August. so not too long, but long enough :)
AGH the more I look at info about it, the more it seems perfect for me.

Here's to hoping things pull through and I can actually go. My mom said she'll do whatever she can to get me there, so there's an extremely good chance. I have a friend who goes to Milwaukee, and will also be able to go on this program through her school and she's really looking at it too, so I wouldn't be completely out of my element if she went with me!

so, there's my good news. is it next summer yet?!

this world ain't gonna catch me going down..

I have been cleaning so much these past few days I've worn myself out and haven't had time to blog. So, I am now!
We're finally doing a mass house cleaning which we should have done years and years ago! this house cleaning is taking place in our basement and we're working our way up the house. So, the other day I was putting empty containers into the garage just to store for the time being. I was moving a box that was on top of the containers and as I was walking back to the empty containers, my BAREFEET stepped on something. What was it are you wondering? A FREAKIN DEAD MOUSE! in my garage. i have never ever ever screamed so loud in my life and i ran back into my house, thinking the dead mouse was going to attack me. I don't know why I ran, I knew immediately it was dead. But still, I ran. hahahaha
Also, I saved my mom's life from a centipede in our basement. So, I'm kinda scared to continue this mass cleaning binge. I have no idea what other creatures lurk down in the basement. I guess we'll find out soon enough!

I FOUND A DRESS FOR VEGAS!!! I'm so freakin' excited! I got it at Von Maur, which is probably my new favorite store. Seriously, they have so many cute dresses! I now know where to go when I need a dress for something. I'm not going to post a picture of it because I want people to be surprised, so you'll just have to see it when i upload my Vegas pictures =P (you can try going on the von maur website, but i already checked and it's not listed. sooo muahahaha)

I was at target a few days ago and found Ferngully AND Hook for 5 bucks on dvd. so naturally i had to buy them. Seriously, Ferngully is probably one of the best movies EVER. same with Hook.

any good book recommendations? i'm reading the Time Traveler's Wife right now. I really can't get into it at all, and thank God I saw the movie otherwise I'd be completely lost in the book. It's super confusing. So I'm thinking of taking a library trip sometime this week for something. Maybe I'll just reread Twilight since it's been years since I read that. hahaha!

here's a bit of a rant...

I just heard from someone who I was hoping I'd never hear from again. Who was once an amazing friend of mine within moments had turned into someone I never wanted to talk to again. Why you might ask? Let's just say, a few months ago this person had said some nasty stuff about annie. I think the exact words were along the lines of "she just uses her dad's death as an excuse to be mean to people" First off, how does one use a death as an excuse? It amazes me how someone I was once close with could turn into someone I didn't even know. Bringing my dad's death into some stupid drama she had is not ok with me. I don't care who you are, it is NEVER ok to say that. I'm shocked this person would stoop to that level to bring annie down. Now, lets fast forward from then to yesterday, when this person i/ms me on facebook. She said it seems like I don't want to talk to her or hang out with her anymore because we don't talk like we used to. REALLY?! are you serious? of course i don't want to talk or hang out with you. you said probably one of the meanest things anyone could ever say to my twin sister. I'm sorry, but how you think I'd want anything to do with you amazes me. you can bring your high school drama to other people but I'm done with it. And after confronting her about it around the time she said it, she had lied to both me and annie (naturally...) and said she would never say that. Ok, then why a few weeks ago were you bragging to a friend of mine (yeah, smart) about all the things you said, and you were PROUD of saying it. i'm done with lies, and high school drama. i'm going to be 21 in 2 months and i can choose not to deal with this. so i'm not.

aaaaand that feels good to get off my chest

onto some good things, i did 5 miles on the elliptical in 30 minutes. i'm proud of myself :)

that's all for now, time to shower and relax!
later duuudes!

It's a great day to be alive

I feel fantastic! Seriously, it's amazing how a wonderful workout can make you feel so much better about yourself. I ran 2.5 miles on the treadmill in less than a half hour (somewhere around 28 minutes) and then did another mile on the elliptical in about 10 minutes. I've drastically cut down on my pop intake (yes...me...the one who is addicted to caffeine) and started drinking a lot more water and iced tea. I guess this summer I'm just trying to be a healthier person, and I am loving the way I'm feeling these days. I have yet to try yoga though, I need to hunt down a schedule of when the classes are, because that is on my list of things to do.

Right now I have my candles burning, ER on my tv and I am just relaxing. I'm hoping to get up around 7am tomorrow to do another work out. I filled out a Bath and Body Works application tonight so I'm going to bring that into the store tomorrow after my work out. I don't think they're hiring, but it couldn't hurt to put in an app...you never know and right now I am pretty desperate for any job just to keep me busy.

Lets see, tomorrow I'm also giving Sally (HI SALLY..I know you read this blog religiously...haha) a tour of St. Kates.

Tuesday night consists of TWILIGHT MIDNIGHT SHOWING OF ECLIPSE! uhm, yes I am one of the nerds who is obsessed with twilight, and yes I am super excited for the midnight showing!

Wednesday I'm bringing Annie to a dentist appointment. While she's there I'm planning on making a visit to my dad's grave. It'll be the first time I've gone there by myself, and I am actually really looking forward to going. I think it'll be good for me, to just spend some time with just me and him. I can finally show him the car I found and researched all by myself...actually I'm sure he helped me, it seemed like too good of a deal for him not to.

I have no idea what is going on in this ER episode, so I am going to start paying attention now.
Later duudes!

the thunder rolls, and the lightening strikes

It's been a stormy night tonight, my absolute favorite. I have my windows wide open, i have a candle lit and I am watching Sex and the City season 2. I don't know if my night could be any more relaxing than this! I have been somewhat busy the past couple days so I haven't been able to blog.

I had my weekly bachelorette sleepover with liz and kate. lets just say I'm super glad Casey is gone, he was turning into a MAJOR creeper! and I would know since I have had my fair share of creepers lately. One that, after ignoring phone calls and texts on my part, is not getting the hint and still trying to contact me.

I had an old friend who I lost touch with, mostly due to drama reasons, that I unexpectedly got a text from. She had been someone I was really close with for many, many years and it was good hearing from her. Hopefully we can start a friendship over again, free of any drama.

I wish my life were more interesting and I had a lot of stuff to talk about, but sadly it's not. maybe once school starts in september i'll have more to blog about. and by more to blog about i mean things to complain about...hahaha.

I've started looking for clothes to bring to Vegas, because that is coming up in less than 3 months!! I am sooooo excited and ready for it! I'm trying to decide which show I want to go to, it's down to the Cirque Du Soleil "Love" show, because my mom and dad saw it when they went out there and it was my dad's favorite. For christmas christy bought him a dvd on how they made that show and so me and my dad watched it together, he thought it was the coolest thing. so i'm leaning more toward that, but I also want to see the broadway lion king show. ahh decisions decisions.

well, I think that's enough nonsense for one night.
later duuuudes :)

it's all we've been given, so you better start livin' right now

happy father's day to the most amazing guardian angel that i could ask for, my daddy. I can't believe this is the 2nd father's day without you, and no matter what some people might say, it definitely does not get easier through time. I wish more than anything that I could bring you back for one more day and have a talk with you. There's so much I need you here for dad. You're supposed to walk me down the aisle when i get married. Never in a million years did I think you wouldn't be around for that, or to see any of your grandkids. I hate how every single day something happens to me, and all I can think about is "Dad should've been here to see this."
I still get the urge to want to call you to tell you everything that's going on in my life, but now that I have my car I know I can always visit you when I need to. I know that no matter what you'll always listen to me, I just wish I could hear the advice I need from you. I know, I never listened to it before and it kills me...I should've. You were an amazing, wonderful person who I could've learned so much from yet I never wanted to listen at the time. If there's anything I've learned from this whole thing, it's to never take anyone for granted and to always always always say I love you to people that mean the most to me. I'm so glad that the last time I talked to you, the last thing I said to you was I loved you, and that's the last thing you said to me. It was a miracle that the last conversation we had we didn't fight at all. Please visit me in my dreams soon, I miss your voice and would love to see you again.
love,
your little girl.

i suck at this

well, first of all california was AWESOME!! i want to go back there. Charlie, the youngest cousin, graduated 8th grade and then Mike, the middle cousin graduated high school so i went to two graduations, the beach and hung out by their pool. Came back with a tan AND got up the nerve to swim in the ocean!! all in all it was a successful trip, and I'm just counting down the days until i can go back out there again.

I've been home for a while now, and FINALLY starting to do the humungous pile of laundry that just keeps getting bigger and bigger and bigger. blahh!

less than 3 months til my 21st, which means less than 3 months until VEGAS BABYYY!! I'm sooo excited!! but also scared considering whenever I talk to my brother's friends they keep telling me how trashed they're going to get me, and I have a feeling I won't remember much of the trip...hahahahaha

i have a pile of laundry that needs to be switched out and things to do, i just figured i'd update my blog since i've had requests to (SALLY) =)

later duuudes!

AHHHHHHHHH

plane to california....TOMORROW!! so freaking excited!! i am creating a play list on my ipod for it as we speak, as well as updating it with new music. any recommendations? i looove updating it with new songs. its my favorite thing to do hahahhaha i guess we're leaving for the airport around 5ish tomorrow morning...and i'm hoping to god there is a coffee shop open because I WILL NEED IT!

this morning I got a wonderful surprise, a good friend of mine is stationed in afghanistan right now and I was chatting with him for a bit on facebook and then he had to leave so he called me and we talked for a bit and caught up on things. he said he's hoping to be home by november, and then asked me to the marine ball. and i am torn if i should go or not. he's a great person but i'm not sure about a whole weekend...but it will be in vegas. we'll see, it depends on my school schedule too cause that's around the time of midterms.

today i need to do shopping because guess what? i only own one pair of jean shorts! what is wrong with me?! in my defense a lot of my shorts are more sweat/work out/comfy shorts. but still. one pair of jean shorts! i can't just bring one pair of shorts to sunny cali!! hahaha

i should prob get my butt into gear and finish packing. later duuude!

not-so-productive day...

I knew yesterday making my list of things to do for today that I was aiming too high and definitely would not do everything that I wanted. Lets see, definitely did not wash apolo. it looked like it was going to rain so i figured i wasn't going to waste my time on it. :)
I did, however, buy a swim suit. I figure, you can never have enough swim suits to take with you to California. So far, i have 4, which if you think about it really isn't a lot!

Why wasn't I productive today? well one reason is I've been having cramping on and off throughout the day. the other reason?? There was a stupid America's Next Top Model marathon on tv and OF COURSE I got sucked into it like all reality tv shows. I'm ashamed, I know, but it's just so good! and to make myself feel better I'm going to work out at 5:30 tomorrow morning. and believe it or not I'm actually looking forward to it! I miss working out.

I've applied for two jobs, we'll see how that goes. one is on campus at school and the other is petco =P so now i'm playing the waiting game and also looking at other places. ooftah.

well, since I have an early morning ahead of me I should probably get going and attempt some sleep in a little bit.
later duuuude!

what a successful day

So, I did some shopping today and got a dress for cali! it's not the one i posted before because, of course, when I went to Macy's I couldn't find it anywhere! http://www1.macys.com/catalog/product/index.ognc?ID=465359&CategoryID=29871 <--that's the one i got instead, and I must say I'm suuuper excited to wear it!

Tomorrow I am going to target to get myself a swimsuit and maybe find some cheap sandals for the beach. I also need to find a pair of cuuute black shoes to go with my dress, but I'm going to do that shopping when i go to MOA on Wednesday.

I just got a Lifetime Fitness membership a few days ago, so I'm hoping to get my butt over there tomorrow to work out a bit. I am so out of shape and I miss working out. I'm also going to look into the Yoga classes there, I haven't done it before but I've always wanted to. I lied....I got a dvd from target a few years ago but I suck at it...so I'm thinking going to an actual class there might be more beneficial to me. they also have this cool cycling class that I want to try-I'm not much of a biker though so we'll see how long that lasts.

agh I NEED A JOB. I've been searching for what seems like forever and can't find anything. Maybe I'll run up to Barnes and Noble tomorrow too because that would be the perfect place for me to work. Know of any job openings?? Pleeeeeease let me know!

It looks like I have a lot to do tomorrow, but I have a feeling only about half of those things are going to get done.
which reminds me, my car apolo needs to be washed...hopefully it's nice out tomorrow so i can do it myself...i don't feel like paying money for something i can easily do. *please be hot and sunny tomorrow!*

that seems like enough rambling for one night.
later duuude!

to cut or not to cut...

my hair that is. I need to decide if I'm going to cut my hair shorter or not before I leave for California. I kind of want it short enough so even if my hair is down you can see my tattoo that's on my back, because right now my hair is so long it covers it so the only way you can see it (besides me moving my hair to the side) is if I put it up in a pony tail. but i loove my longer hair. ahh decisions decisions.

anywho, I've been looking at sundresses online and I think i have finally found one I'm going to get to take to Cali. here it is: http://www1.macys.com/catalog/product/index.ognc?ID=461082&CategoryID=37784

All my grades finally came in for the semester, and I got 4 A-'s!! It was such a relief, and makes me feel like I actually have a shot at getting into the nursing program. I can't apply until after fall semester, but if I can keep these grades up I shouldn't have a problem getting in, which is good considering that's the only reason I'm attending that hell hole of a school. I miss duluth, soooooo much. Once I'm graduated and out of school I'm going to do all that I can to get a job up there at one of their hospitals. It's my favorite place to be.

Now, to start my ER marathon.
adios!

i have no idea what i am doing

I don't know why I am doing this, I never have much to say. But I guess sometimes it's good to get things off your chest, or just ramble instead of bothering someone. I am sitting here with a Mike's hard lemonade trying to come up with something great to say for my first post. I'm sorry to disappoint you though, I don't have much to say tonight, except helloo blogging world. I might actually really like this...I see a new addiction coming on. faaantastic! In exactly one week from today I will be in sunny California. I have a lot to do until then...things to buy, things to pack (after i JUST unpacked everything from moving out of school).

I just started reading the book Eat, Pray, Love (hence, where I got my blog title from). I'm about halfway through reading it and I REEEAAAALLLY want to start traveling, a lot. I want to go to Italy, I want to go to Greece, I want to go to Paris, Australia, Russia, England, Ireland..i want to see everything! Too bad that costs money, and my school is taking all of mine right about now. *sigh* maybe one day i'll be able to. That's on my list of things to do before I die. I find every day that list just gets longer instead of shorter.

hm...I think it's about time I start being productive. Maybe tomorrow I'll have more interesting things to say, maybe not. :)

later duuuuude!