wow, it's been a while

This is the first time i've been able to blog since school started, and let me say i've missed it. I have been so busy and so stressed with school that my immune system has been shot and i've exhausted myself to the point where I've been sick the past couple of days. I must say after being able to sleep this weekend I've been feeling much better.
I have a job in the library on campus and I love it! but it seems to be taking all the time i don't have in school or spent study for exams, so I haven't had much free time this year.
I've been really stressed lately because of this nursing program. I can get the application next month and I'm really excited and nervous all at the same time. Being a transfer student I'm definitely not guaranteed a position in it. The number of transfers they accept each year varies depending on how many people apply to the program. So, someone who started off at the school applying to the program with a GPA of 2.7 would be accepted over me, who has a GPA of 3.5 as of now. It's very frustrating that my advisor can't even tell me how good of a chance I have of getting in because she doesn't know how many people can be accepted that are transfers, all she says is I'm the perfect candidate for it and all i can do is apply and just see. If i don't get in, I don't have a plan B. i don't know if i can afford to waste yet another year at this school spending all this money just so i can have another shot of applying to the program next year. I just want to know the outcome, and I have to wait til spring for that. I guess all i can do until then is pray, and know that whatever happens happens for a reason.

well, that's what's been on my mind pretty much since school started. it's late, i'm exhausted and i get an extra hour of sleep tonight so i plan on taking advantage of that. good night :)

i'm here. i'm alive!

holy cow it's been a while since i've blogged.
i don't have time to write a long entry explaining myself, but i will probably tomorrow.
you see, i move into st kates tomorrow.
so i have been busy packing up my life.

i miss writing on here though, so i will come back soon with some updates. i promise :)

if you're calling about my heart it's still yours...

things i would like to do in my lifetime

For the past few days I've been thinking a lot lately about things I would like to do before I die. So, I decided it would be fun to just write it all down. here goes:

- learn how to play guitar
- graduate from college with a nursing degree
- work in a children's hospital as a nurse
- fall in love, and get married have kids and live happily ever after (who doesn't want that though right?!)
- run in a marathon
- travel to: Ireland, Paris/France, England, Scotland, Russia, Greece and Italy.
- learn russian
- read as many books as possible
- finish Lainey's baby blanket before she goes into college. (at the rate i'm going, this one will not be fulfilled haaha)
- relearn how to knit
- kiss keith urban (oh wait..CHECK! =P)
- do yoga, and to actually be good at it.
- go snowboarding
- get more tattoos, but ones that are meaningful and not just to say i have tattoos.

of course, the minute i decide to write them all down, i can only think of a few. trust me, there's so much more on it. Oh well, that's usually the case right? anywho, they're all things that are do-able

Anywho, what is new with me? Let's see, besides the previous post, nothing much really. I am just getting everything slowly together for school. I don't move in til the 5th, but I'm so ready to be moved in now. I am slightly excited for school to start, just because it keeps me busy and I really don't mind classes. It's just the school in general that i do not like, most people in my classes. Lucky for me, I've been able to make a few friends who are similar to me wanting to go into nursing. They help keep me sane at the all girls school that i am stuck at. this year i'll be able to apply to the nursing program, and hopefully next fall i will be starting it. i am SO excited and anxious and nervous all at the same time. I know it's a lot of hard work, but i can't see myself anywhere else but doing that.

Things happen for a reason, and I know that my dad up there looking down smiling at me, knowing i'm on the path of being happy. :)

you're on my heart just like a tattoo

I just don't know what to do these days. The feelings I thought were gone for him are constantly rushing back to me the more we talk. I miss him, so much. We're talking again. After everything he did to me my head is telling me to be careful and to do what i can to protect myself. but then there's my heart which is telling me the complete opposite. maybe he's changed. maybe he's not the asshole he was in september. maybe he really wants me back. maybe not. we haven't had the conversation yet. he's in afghanistan and i feel like it's something that i need to wait to talk about until he's home for good and we can talk more often instead of letters or the off chance he's online when i am on. I need to be careful, I know i do. i didn't get any closure with the break up. it was pretty much me changing the relationship status on facebook since he just decided to ignore me and stop talking to me. for absolutely no reason. he was home in sept and things were fine and then he left and decided after 3 years it was ok to just not give me any reason why.
so i know i need to be careful. but he's the one and only guy i've ever loved and i can't picture my life without him in it. it's sad, but it's the truth. i can't help it. any date i go on or guy i meet, i end up feeling sad afterwards because it's not him and it just makes me miss him even more.

i hate how a guy can have so much control over my emotions. I never thought i'd be in this position. i thought after everything he did to me it would be easy to be mad and never want anything to do with him again.
but as i sit here and write this i feel like i'm in a tsunami, it's hardcore raining and crazy winds. this came out of nowhere. and once again i'm finding myself thinking about all the amazing conversations we had when we were dating. and one of our songs was Like The Rain.
you know "like the rain i have fallen for you.." is it ironic that its pouring out right now? i don't know.

the only thing i know, is i can't change my feelings. as much as i know pretty much everyone i know wants me to. I just can't. i love him. and clearly nothing he can do can change that. he can be the biggest asshole douchebag on the planet,and still...my heart would love him.

welcome to my life.

next summer you will find me...

IN IRELAND! hopefully. I've started looking at programs from St. Kate's website and figuring out expenses. Once school starts up I'm going to start going to meetings and figuring out what I really need to do in order to go. I want to sooooooooooooooooooo freaking bad though!
Who knows, maybe I'll meet a hot irish man and end up living over in Ireland for the rest of my life. I'd be ok with that :) (coming back to visit the family often though I suppose =P)
But seriously, I have always wanted to study abroad and I had thought it would be in Australia. But lately my heart is set on Ireland and I think it'll be more beneficial for me to go somewhere that isn't so close to the American culture like Australia is.
so, the program I'm looking at I'd be taking 2 classes, for a total of 6 credits. Each class would be 2 hours long, 4 days a week. so 4 hours a day of classes total. One is an Irish History/Politics class and the other is an Irish Literature class. Both of them sound extremely interesting to me. It lasts 6 weeks, and from what I've seen it would be somewhere around end of June until early August. so not too long, but long enough :)
AGH the more I look at info about it, the more it seems perfect for me.

Here's to hoping things pull through and I can actually go. My mom said she'll do whatever she can to get me there, so there's an extremely good chance. I have a friend who goes to Milwaukee, and will also be able to go on this program through her school and she's really looking at it too, so I wouldn't be completely out of my element if she went with me!

so, there's my good news. is it next summer yet?!

this world ain't gonna catch me going down..

I have been cleaning so much these past few days I've worn myself out and haven't had time to blog. So, I am now!
We're finally doing a mass house cleaning which we should have done years and years ago! this house cleaning is taking place in our basement and we're working our way up the house. So, the other day I was putting empty containers into the garage just to store for the time being. I was moving a box that was on top of the containers and as I was walking back to the empty containers, my BAREFEET stepped on something. What was it are you wondering? A FREAKIN DEAD MOUSE! in my garage. i have never ever ever screamed so loud in my life and i ran back into my house, thinking the dead mouse was going to attack me. I don't know why I ran, I knew immediately it was dead. But still, I ran. hahahaha
Also, I saved my mom's life from a centipede in our basement. So, I'm kinda scared to continue this mass cleaning binge. I have no idea what other creatures lurk down in the basement. I guess we'll find out soon enough!

I FOUND A DRESS FOR VEGAS!!! I'm so freakin' excited! I got it at Von Maur, which is probably my new favorite store. Seriously, they have so many cute dresses! I now know where to go when I need a dress for something. I'm not going to post a picture of it because I want people to be surprised, so you'll just have to see it when i upload my Vegas pictures =P (you can try going on the von maur website, but i already checked and it's not listed. sooo muahahaha)

I was at target a few days ago and found Ferngully AND Hook for 5 bucks on dvd. so naturally i had to buy them. Seriously, Ferngully is probably one of the best movies EVER. same with Hook.

any good book recommendations? i'm reading the Time Traveler's Wife right now. I really can't get into it at all, and thank God I saw the movie otherwise I'd be completely lost in the book. It's super confusing. So I'm thinking of taking a library trip sometime this week for something. Maybe I'll just reread Twilight since it's been years since I read that. hahaha!